do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
