worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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