Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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