I wish I could punch you in the face.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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