I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
