what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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