She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
