Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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