I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
