Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
