My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
