she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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