well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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