my phone needs a breathalizer
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I will be naked everywhere
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
