He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
