No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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