If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
