This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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