so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
