dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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