: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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