so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
