Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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