Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
