Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
