He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
