proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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