i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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