3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
