I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
