dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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