I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
