i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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