I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
