It's Friday. Sex?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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