shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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