see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
