I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
