there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
