I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
