Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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