So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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