There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
