google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
