if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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