I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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