you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
