She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize