Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
