Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
