youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
