Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
