Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
