my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
