He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize