the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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