I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
