Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Randomize
