Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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