Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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