Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
