I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
