First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
