I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
