If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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