if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
