God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
