thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
