I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
