Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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