u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize