She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
