i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize