I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
