matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
