my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
