you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
this hospital has no fireball
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
