Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize